Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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