i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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