i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
