if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
