he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
