im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
