Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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