so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
