hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
