so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
