i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
