he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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