Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
