the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
