don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
