Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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