i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
