i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
