Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
