We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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