You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
