We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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