she was so not down for the gang bang
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a search helicopter?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
