Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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