I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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