What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
