I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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