sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
