Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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