Betty ford says i'm here all night
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
