Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My vagina is officially offended.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
