My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
