I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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