You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
