Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
