Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
