Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
