took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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