It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
