Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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