we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
