Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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