i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
