I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
