so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
