I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
