Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
