Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
