a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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