I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
