Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
